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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27311062">What if it at all disappears?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anayrob/pseuds/Anayrob'>Anayrob</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Arrow (TV 2012), olicity - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Arrow (TV 2012) Season 7, Arrowverse Quarantine Fic Exchange, F/M, olicity - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:33:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,851</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27311062</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anayrob/pseuds/Anayrob</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After Felicity gets attacked by Diaz, she hurts her head pretty badly. When she wakes up in the hospital her memory is shaken. The last thing she remembers is the Undertaking. How will things go from there for her? And Oliver? Will they make it through without the memories? Keep reading the chapters to find out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Olicity, Oliver Queen Felicity Smoak - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>126</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Olicity Arrow</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. What if it all disappears?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>October 2018,<br/>
Felicity's POV</p><p>''Stay away from him. I swear to God if you hurt him'' I yell and throw the coffee maker at Diaz, trying to escape.</p><p>''What do you want?'' I ask him with so much pain and hopeleseness in my voice. It's over. I'm going to die. I hope William makes it </p><p>''For Oliver to suffer the way I suffered'' he says and throws me across the room. The table is broken. There's glass and blood everwhere.</p><p>''Stop! Put your hands in the air where I can see him'' I hear a familiar voice in the distance but it's too far away. Is that ARGUS? I can't focus. My head hurts and I loose conciousness. </p><p> </p><p>When I open my eyes again the scene is different. My head hurts. Where am I? This is a hospital. Why am I here? I can't remember.</p><p>''Hey'' this voice is familiar. Wait, I know this voice.</p><p>''John?'' she whispers</p><p>''You are finally awake. You were in a coma for a few days. We got scared for a moment. Glad you are awake. How do you feel?''</p><p>Coma?</p><p>''I- My head hurts. What happened?''</p><p>''It's understandable after what Diaz did to you. Look, Felicity I am sorry we didn't come sooner''</p><p>''Who's Diaz?'' What is John talking about? I don't know anyone named Diaz. Did I get attacked? </p><p>''What do you mean who's Diaz?'' John looks even more confused than me. What's going on? ''Felicity, what's the last thing you remember?''</p><p>''I was in the foundry and I-'' she squeezes her eyes trying to remember '' I was giving Mr. Lance directions towards the earthquake machine while you and Oliver were heading to the Glades''</p><p>I see the horron in his eyes when I tell him this information.</p><p>''Felicity..oh my god. That- That was six years ago!''  his eyes are watterring.</p><p>''What?'' I can't breathe or feel my body. How is this possible? ''So, I have been asleep for six years? Thought Sleeping Beauty was just a fairytale''</p><p>''No, um. You've been out for three days. I will call Dr. Shwartz''</p><p>Three days? Three days. That can't be happening. This is some kind of nightmare.</p><p>''Miss Smoak it's great to see you are awake. Mr. Diggle said you have amneisa. I want you to know that this is pretty common after a head injury. The brain isn't exact science though. so no one knows how long it's going to take for your memory to come back...if it does. My best advice is for you to go back to your old routine, see if anything looks familiar'' </p><p>Her words make my head hurt even more. I feel like my brain is going to explode. What even was my routine. I wake up, have coffee and go to the faundry to- omg where is Oliver? Did he get hurt?</p><p>''This is a lot to take in I- um. I need a minute''</p><p>''Of course'' says the doctor and leaves the room.</p><p>''John. where is Oliver? Is he okay?''</p><p>''Oh god. Felicity this might come as a shock, but''  no, no don't say it. Is he dead? ''he's in prison''</p><p>Wait. What? </p><p>''What? How? Did Mr. Lance arrest him?''</p><p>''No he went voluntarely. In fact I should go visit him. You take some rest. I will be back soon'' said John and he left the room</p><p>What happened to Oliver? Why is he in prison? Did we stop the undertaking? Why can't I remember? Who's Diaz?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Ashes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Diggle visits Oliver in prison to tell him the news about Felicity.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Oliver's POV</p><p>It's been painful 24 hours since I learned Diaz attacked Felicity and Willaim. Is she really dead? No, she can't be. I don't know what I would do if she's gone. Suddlenly every kiss we've shared, every 'i love you', every touch....it repeats in my head. What was the last thing I said to her? I should have told her how much I love her and how much she means to me. What if I never get to tell her that again? The pain is unmeasarble. I just want to burry myself in her and make the world go away. We just started our life together. William. Is he okay? Did Diaz hurt him as well?</p><p>''Your visitor is here'' the guard alerts me and I look up to see John coming. His face says it all. He definetely doen't have good news for me. God, don't let it be true.</p><p>''Hey'' he whispers.</p><p>''John..is it...is it real?'' i can't get the words out of mouth. The air feels heavy. </p><p>'Felicity and William are okay'' They are okay. My family is okay. I suddenly feel like all the weight on my shoulders has been lifted. ''Felicity she...she's in the hosital''</p><p>''What happened?'' No. Please.</p><p>''She has a head injury that resulted in amnesia. The last thing she remembers in the Undertaking. You should have seen her man. She's crushed. And so confused. She doesn't even know you two are married yet''. John delivers me the news with tears in his eyes. I can't believe it. Anger and pain fill my entire body. I can barely hold the phone without wanting to smash it through the window. I will find Diaz and kill him for what he did to Felicity. Her memory? Gone? She doesn't remember our love? She doesn't remember us being together? All our memories. every kiss,every touch, everything is gone. Diaz destroyed it. What...what if she doesn't love me anymore?</p><p> </p><p> I didn't realize I was crying until I felt the warm tears falling down my cheek. This is all my fault. If I caught Diaz earlier, if I never surrendered myself to the FBI this would've never happened. She would've been safe. My mouth barely moves. The words escape me. I can't move. </p><p>''She doesn't remember? Anything?'' my voice is flat and quiet. </p><p>''She remembers that she was in the foundry at the night of the undertaking talking to Lance. Anything else after that is a blur. The doctor said her memory might recover if she goes back to her old routine, see if she remembers something. I left the hospital and came immediately here to tell you. I couldn't bare to look at her like that''</p><p>''And William? Is he okay?'' my son. I hope he is okay. I won't bare the thought of something happening to him as well. I barely keep it together already. But I have to know.</p><p>''He is okay. A little scared, but okay. He is staying with me and Lyla until his grandparents come to pick him up. He is going to stay with them for a while. Felicity...she doesn't know about him either''</p><p>My whole life is falling apart. My family. I came here to protect them and the opposite happened. Or did I? I keep telling myself I came here for them, but did I? Or did I do it because subconsciously I felt like I needed to be punished for all the people I killed and hurt as the Green Arrow? All those things people said about me not being a hero at my trial is it true? What hero am I when I can't even protect my own family. </p><p>''Look, I know hearing about this is a lot. I promise you Oliver, I will keep searching for Diaz, I will find him and bring him to justice. As for Felicity, she still loves you man. Didn't you two fall in love from the moment you first met. She'll remember you.'' </p><p>Our first meeting. The memories hit me like warm rain. The first time I met Felicity Smoak she was chewing on a red pen. She stole my heart from the moment she turned around with her chair. I have loved her every day since then. I didn't realize it immediately,it took some time for both of us to realize it and find our way to one another. And now I have to believe that we will find our way back to each other again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Back to reality</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Felicity leaves the hospital and goes back home to her normal life. She later learns what that life actually is.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felicity's POV</p><p>It's the next morning. I hoped I would wake up with my memory back. Hoping that this was all a nightmare. But sadly that didn't happen. I wake up feeling better physically. My head doesn't hurt anymore but frankly everything is still a fog for me.</p><p>Dr. Schwartz said I can go home today. At least I won't spend another night eating hospital food. John said he will come pick me up at noon. I'm still not allowed to drive. I shower and put on some normal clothes. My hair is slightly shorter. I will have to get used to that I guess. I put on some effort to do my makeup. I finally look like a human and not a zombie. </p><p>"Hey you. I brought you some coffee for the road " John comes in and brings me a latte. I didnt know he knew my order. I guess a lot has changed in six years. He's so kind. And today he looks a lot better than he did yesterday when he learned about my condition. </p><p>"John Diggle you bring the best gifts" I smile and take the coffee. The road to my apartment is a lot longer than I remember it. Do I even live in the same place? </p><p>"Where are we going? My apartment building is that way." Did I miss something?</p><p>"Yeah, you haven't lived in that place in three years. You have a new apartment now." There's something he isn't telling me I can feel it. </p><p>We arrive at the new place. This apartment is a lot bigger and way above my pay grade as an IT girl. </p><p>"How can I afford to live in this place?" Its astonishing. Only the living room is bigger than my old place. And the master bedroom is well....master. </p><p>"You're not an IT girl anymore. You,uh, you were a CEO of Palmer tech for a while...the old Queen's Consolidated. They renamed the company after Oliver's family lost all their money and someone else bought it. They put you in charge. You did a pretty good job. Now you are busy with the team and making your own company"  </p><p>I can't believe my ears. </p><p>"I- I was a CEO of  Queen's Consolidated? Me? Felicity Smoak? And now I am building my own company? I have missed a lot. Are you sure this is the same me we are talking about?" I start babbling and rambling but it's not every day that you learn you became richer than the richest person you know. </p><p>"Its a lot I know. But you did it. You are amazing Felicity" I'm glad I met Johh...and Oliver. They definitely made my life interesting. </p><p>"So um when will Oliver get out of prison?" I need to know. How did he end up there? </p><p>"I dont know. He made a deal with the FBI to go to prison in exchange for their help to catch a very dangerous guy - Ricardo Diaz" why does this name sound familiar? Oh my god, this is the man that attacked me. The man who gave me that amnesia. </p><p>"The man that attacked me?" </p><p>"Yes, when I told Oliver yesterday he was furious. I promised him we will catch him and pay back for what he did to you" he said that? He really cares about me huh?</p><p>"Oliver cares about me that much that he will go to prison to keep us, keep me safe? But this guy ended up attacking me anyway? John, what are you not telling me?" </p><p>"You and Oliver uh....you are married Felicity" </p><p> </p><p>We. Are. What?!?!</p><p> </p><p>"Excuse me? Married? No, no you have a mistake. I can not be married to Oliver Queen that Is insane. You are messing up with me." I dont appreciate John messing up with me when I already have trouble remembering things, but I admit it was a good joke. I keep giggling. Why isnt he laughing?</p><p> </p><p>"I will give you a moment to process it" wait...is he...serious?</p><p> </p><p>"John, that can't be real" </p><p>"It is. I married you. I know it's a lot to process. You two fell in love and the rest was history. It took you some time to realise it but at the end you made it through" </p><p>Oliver and I are married? How? He didnt even look at me. He is in love with Laurel. At least I thought he was. How did this happen? </p><p>"You are right. It is a lot. So, so this big apartment its mine and Oliver's? As in we live here together? As a married couple? As in a husband and wife?" I keep  babbling. This all feels like a crazy dream that I can't wait to wake up from.</p><p>"Yeah. Its almost been a year since you got married. November 28th." </p><p> November 28th. </p><p> </p><p>"So we have had sex?" The words come out directly out of my mouth. I blush like a tomato when I hear myself. </p><p>"Yes i suppose" John is laughing. This is crazy. I am married to Oliver Queen and I have had sex with him. Except I dont remember any of it. </p><p>"I need a moment." I need a drink. A bottle of wine. A lot of wine. Although getting drunk wont help my headache. </p><p>"I understand. I will leave. If you want to visit Oliver and talk to him I can drive you there. Just give me a call" </p><p>Visit...visit Oliver. Yes I need to do that. I need to talk to him. He will tell me everything. He has to.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Can we go back to how it was?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Felicity visits Oliver in prison since learning they are married. This chapter delivers all the angst and pain. Read at your own cost.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felicity's POV</p><p>I wake up feeling anxious. I couldn't sleep well last night. How do you sleep after finding out the man you've known for less than a year Is now your husband? Dig said he is happy to drive me to see Oliver so I decided to take the opportunity. I just have so many questions. </p><p>I get ready to leave. John's going to come pick me up any minute now. I changed my outfit and fixed my hair three times already. I'm so nervous to see him. He's Oliver Queen. My husband. I wonder what our wedding was like. </p><p>"Hey lets go" I hop in John's car and put on my belt. He said the ride is long. Great. I have more time to think about what I'm going to say to him when I get there. </p><p>"Don't be nervous Felicity. He's going to be really happy when he sees you". I try to smile. I still cant shake that nervous feeling. I feel like I'm going on a first day. Except I already know the guy and I have even seen him shirtless. Look at me babbling in my mind. Okay, Felicity, focus. </p><p>We finally arrived after a few painful hours in the car. Deep breaths. I told the guards I'm here for visitation. They took me to the place and told me Oliver will be out in a minute. </p><p>Oh my god. There he is. Oliver...he looks different from what I remember him to be like. He's gotten stronger physically and his hair is shorter but his beard has grown..and his whole face is covered in blood.</p><p>"Hey" he says in the phone. His voice penetrates through my entire body. I can't even open my mouth.</p><p>"Hey" I whisper very quietly. Can he sense my nervousness? </p><p>"I am so so sorry Felicity" he starts crying. Oh no, I cant look at  him like that. "I never meant for this to happen. I should have been there. I should have never left you and William" who's William? Did he mean John? </p><p>"Its okay I-...i don't even remember it" this feels awkward.</p><p>"I know...and i...I'm sorry. Did the uh- did the doctor say when you will get your memory back?"</p><p>"I dont know. The brain isnt an exact science it could take weeks, months, even years you know? Or maybe never. Not that I dont want it to be never I'm just speaking from a science point of view. Theres been a lot of confirmed cases of people who never got their memory back after a head injury so who knows"  oh my god stop talking. What is wrong with me? For some reason he smiles. His eyes are shining. I've never seen him like that. He seems peaceful.</p><p>"I love you so much" he said what now? Did he really just tell me he loves me? I smile. What else am I supposed to do? Should I tell him I love him too? Do I love him too?</p><p>"Its okay you dont have to say it back. I know that with your memory gone you uh- might not feel it too" theres tears in his eyes again. His voice broke saying those words. My heart hurts for this man. He has been through so much. </p><p>"No I, I don't know how I feel. I mean we are married. Wow."</p><p>"Yeah we are. I remember the way we got married. It was the best day in my whole life. You proposed to me actually" </p><p>I did what? I keep surprising myself more and more. I told Oliver Queen we should get married. He saw the surprised look in my face and added:</p><p>"This must be weird huh? Considering you only remember the undertaking. Look, Felicity I promise that once I get out we will talk about all of this. Right now, I don't have enough time, but I just want you to know that I love you and we will find a way to get your memory back" </p><p>He really means it. His words sound so real. Is it possible that it's real? </p><p>"When did you fall in love with me?" I have to know.</p><p>"Oh gosh" he takes a deep breath. "I have loved you from the moment we first met when I brought you that bullet riddled laptop. Remember that?" </p><p>I nod. The memories come flushing back. Old memories.</p><p>"Yes of course. You alwyas came with the most ridiculous excuses" </p><p>"That's right. Truth be told, I used them as an excuse to see you" he laughs. Wow. Someone record this. "I didnt know I was in love you with you until a little bit later. You got kidnapped by the count. He almost dosed you with vertigo. I killed him. I had to. Otherwise he would have hurt you and I knew that I have to do whatever it takes to keep you safe. Because I love you"</p><p> </p><p>"Wow. Oliver. I never wanted you to kill for me. To make that choice-"</p><p>He interrupts me.</p><p> </p><p>"I know. That's one of the reasons why I love you"</p><p> </p><p>My heart is beating so fast.</p><p>"Look once i go out we will go to star labs and we will find a way to bring your memory back i promise" the guard says our time is up. No, please. I need more time. Wait. Did he say star labs? </p><p>"Star labs? What?"</p><p>"Felicity, remember that I love you"</p><p> </p><p>Remember.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Frenemies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Felicity goes out to grab a coffee and meets an old....friend that tells her more about her relationship with Oliver.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felicity's POV </p><p>It's been a week since I visited Oliver in prison. The emotions are still very much there. He told he loves me...twice. And all I did was look at him like an idiot. I honestly don't know how to feel about this whole thing. </p><p>I wake up and put on the TV for some background noice. I turn on my laptop to check my emails. So many messages from people I dont know. Who's Curtis? And Dinah? As in Laurel? Because you know her first name is Dinah. I had assumed Oliver ended up with her. I wonder what happened between them. </p><p>My phone rang and as if someone read my mind Laurel's name appeared on the screen.</p><p>"Hello" I answered with a confused voice.</p><p>"Finally you pick up. I have been trying to reach you. John told me what happened. I just wanted to make sure you are okay"</p><p>"I'm okay. Yeah. I mean I don't remember anything from the last six years of my life, but I'm okay yeah. Are we friends? Sorry it's just we've never really talked before"</p><p>"Oh, yeah we are kind of friends I guess. It's a long story. Are you free today? I can tell you more about it"</p><p>"Uh, yeah sure. I could use to talk to someone who isnt a man"</p><p>"Great. See you at three?"</p><p>"Three sounds good"</p><p>I hang up the phone. I'm going out with Laurel now I guess. God, I swear she read my mind when I mentioned her name. I guess I have to get used to all these new changes. Like the new technology. Wow. Computers really have evolved in the last six years.</p><p>I spend the rest of my time scrolling through my computer and looking at all these programs I have on it. I have new search algorithms and face recognition apps. Did I made all of this? Wow I'm a genius. I see a folder with the name Overwatch. What's that? It has a lot of files of all the bad guys we've caught through the years. The count. The doll maker. The Boomerang. Cupid? This name sounds stupid. </p><p>It's almost three so I get ready to go out. When I arrive at the address Laurel sent me I can see she is already waiting for me. </p><p>"Hey" I greet her with a smile.</p><p>"Hi" she is sort of cold to me. At least colder than I remember.</p><p>"So coffee. Yay. Love coffee" this is weird.</p><p>"Yeah let's sit down"</p><p>We choose a table by the window.</p><p>"So look I have a lot to tell you." Oh she is straightforward. We should order food for this kind of talk. </p><p>"Let's order first shall we?" The waitress comes "Hi, I want a big pepperoni pizza and your best espresso please." I'm hungry.</p><p>"Just black coffee for me" black like her soul? Sorry shouldnt say it.</p><p>"As I was saying....I'm probably not the Laurel you remember" oh so she sees it too? "I'm uh...I'm from earth 2" </p><p> </p><p>Say what now? Earth 2? </p><p>"What? Are you serious? I mean...as a kid I always liked to dream about the idea of the multiverse and having multiple earths and universes but this sounds insane" shes joking right?</p><p>"Well, its true. The Laurel from this earth died. And I was brought by this evil guy named Adrian Chase to try and mess with your team's heads. I used to be evil. But now...I'm trying to change"</p><p> </p><p>This is too much.</p><p>"Laurel is dead? Our Laurel? Oliver's Laurel?" His laurel. So that's what happened between them.</p><p>"Yeah I'm sorry. She was killed by a guy named damian darhk."</p><p>This life that I've chosen it is hard. I mean look where it lead me.</p><p>"How did you get on the good side then?"</p><p>"It wasnt easy. It still isnt easy. Quentin he sacrificed himself to save me"</p><p>"He's gone too?" </p><p>"Yes sadly. Ricardo Diaz killed him"</p><p>"The same guy who gave me my amnesia. Who sent Oliver to prison?"</p><p>"Yes. We still havent caught him. I heard the longbow hunters are in town. They work for him. If I find them, I find him and I can get revenge for what he did to Quentin. But I will need your help"</p><p>"So that's why you called. We arent friends. You just want me to track them." </p><p>"We are friends. Believe it or not I care about you. And dont tell me you dont want to find Diaz and make him pay for giving you amnesia or sending your husband to prison?"</p><p>"I do. But I'm not sure I'm ready to go back to hacking yet. This life that I've chosen...its dark. How did I mess up my life this much? My life is at risk every day. My friends die. My- Oliver is in prison. I'm sorry but I'm not going to help you. I need some normalcy back in my life"</p><p>"I understand"</p><p>"I have to go" I get up to leave</p><p>"The food hasnt even come yet" </p><p>"I'm sorry" I have to go. Multiple earths. Different laurel. Oliver as my husband. What's next? I have a secret child ?</p><p>"Felicity, you should know I'm working really hard to get Oliver out of prison. He should be out in a few weeks"</p><p>Few weeks. </p><p>I run out of the restaurant. I cant deal with this. This is too much information for such a little period of time. I need to get out of here. I need...I need my mum. I have to go see my mum.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Memories of what once was</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Oliver comes out of prison and sees Felicity again after seven months. But things are not the same. Will they reconnect?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Oliver's POV </p><p>It's been seven months since I last kissed her. Seven months since I last held her in my arms. I just want to get out of this place and go home...to her. To my love. We have to try and get her memory back. I refuse to give up. We thought she'd never walk again also but she did. We will make it. We have to</p><p>John comes and picks me up in the afternoon. It's been a long day. Diaz broke In. He would have killed everyone In Slabside if I didnt stop him. Now he can rot In my cell forever. I'm going home. </p><p>"Hey man" John greets me in a hug. He is such a good man. I couldnt have done it without him. He always has my back. And I always have his. That's why we are brothers. </p><p>"Are you nervous about seeing Felicity?" He asks me but I think he already knows the answer.</p><p>"A little. Has there been any progress with her memory?"</p><p>"No. No and I don't think there will be one soon. We have to think bigger"</p><p>"I agree. Maybe Star Labs can help. I will give them a call"</p><p>We sit in silence mostly for the rest of the ride. I didn't realise before how long the drive from Slabside to Star City is. We finally arrive at the apartment building. I get more and more nervous about meeting Felicity again. I want to kiss her and hold her tight, but I know she might not be ready.</p><p>"Hey you" I say when I open the door. The alarm system turns on and a robot voice announces my arrival. She has been working these past months. </p><p>"Hey...you...Oliver...hi" she is babbling. I can see shes nervous too. My heart is going to burst. I want to kiss her. I need her. </p><p>"I know this is weird but can I hug you?" I just need her.</p><p>"Sure yeah" she says with a certain expression on her face. She gives me a hug while shes on her tip toes. Her body is pressed against mine. I bury my chin in her shoulder and smell her hair. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I don't want to let go.</p><p>She breaks the hug. I look in her eyes. Her bright blue eyes meet mine. Oh, Felicity. </p><p>"We have a lot to talk about but first I think you need a shower" I probably stink. I wouldnt mind a hot shower. And I need to shave.</p><p>"I wouldn't say no to a shower" I smile with one of those shy smiles that are only reserved for her.</p><p>"Great and you are probably hungry. I mean I dont think prison food is that good. Not that I have ever tried it. I've never been to prison or at least I dont remember being in prison" </p><p>"No hun you've never been to prison" she seems shocked. I suppose because I called her hun not because she hasnt been to prison.</p><p>"Good well um I will order food then. Big belly?"</p><p>"Sounds good. I'm going to shower now"</p><p>I'm trying to drown all my thoughts under the shower. The hot water is pouring down my body. Hitting me. I'm home. She knocks on the door. Will she join me? Please join me.  I need you.</p><p>"Hey the food came. Sorry to interrupt your long shower but will you be over soon... i have to pee" I cant help but laugh at her question. We have showered together and now shes asking if she can come pee. I need to remind her we are married again.</p><p>"Just come on In. We are married remember"</p><p>"Right I will just wait"</p><p>I finish my shower and go to put some clothes on. </p><p>"Oh my god you are naked" </p><p>I forgot. Oops.</p><p>"Yeah sorry. Well it's not like you havent seen me naked before"</p><p>"Yeah in the foundry but you always had pants on and now you are....gorgeous...naked I mean naked"</p><p>"Its okay I will put on clothes. And by the time I have seen your naked too. In fact we often shower together"</p><p>She blushes like a tomato at the thought of that. Just like I thought.</p><p>"Look I'm sorry. I know this is really hard for you-"</p><p>"Hard? No, Oliver. Waking up in a hospital bed not knowing that happened to me is hard. Learning we are married and that you are in prison was hard. Laurel telling me she is some evil twin of the laurel we knew....that was hard. Learning we have lost friends and people because of this life...this life that I chose...that was hard. But coming to live in a new apartment with you, who are my husband and you walking around naked pretending I remember any of the things you just told me,telling me you love me. No Oliver. That is impossible to handle. I'm just a person. An IT girl. And how am I supposed to handle any of this?"</p><p>My heart breaks into millions of pieces for her. I never meant to cause her any pain. Shes right. It is hard and I caused that. This is my fault.</p><p>"I'm sorry. I know this is my fault. But I have seen you go through some really hard moments. And trust me when I say this. You are the strongest person that I know Felicity. You can go through anything. I know we will find a way to fix this"</p><p>"Except you dont know. What if I never remember? We will keep pretending we're in love?"</p><p>Pretend we are in love. No.</p><p>"Pretend? I do love you. More than you will ever know. What do you feel?" My eyes fill with tears.</p><p>"I dont know"</p><p>I feel like all the air Inside the room faded away. And I thought prison was hard.</p><p>"I cant do this right now" I need some air. I'm going to go to my mum</p><p>"Your mum? You are going to Vegas?" Dont leave me</p><p>"No, she landed here yesterday. I called her"</p><p>"Oh, okay. Well feel free to invite her to dinner tonight"</p><p>"Yeah maybe I will" </p><p>She takes her bag and leaves. I'm all alone. Again. No make up sex for me I guess. I just wish I could help her. She needs me as much as I need her. She's my everything.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. A girl needs her mum</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Felicity feels even more confused about her situation so she asks her mum for guidance.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felicity's POV<br/>I stormed out of the apartment. I need some air. This is insane. This is all insane. I call my mum and we meet for a coffee. </p><p>"Oooh my baby girl! My beautiful baby girl!" My mum runs and literally almost climbs on top of me to give me a hug. How does she run with those heals? Super woman. My mum and I havent always been in the best relationship but I need someone slightly less insane right now. </p><p>"Okay honey tell me everything" she grabs my hands in hers and looks at me with those warm eyes.</p><p>"Well I got attacked by someone and I woke up in a hospital with no memory. Now I'm married and I live somewhere else. And I apparently have my own company"</p><p>"Yeah honey you are married. Which you didnt tell me about when it happened but it's okay I forgave you. Once I saw how happy you were I didnt care that I wasn't there to see it"</p><p>"Wait..Oliver and I eloped?" </p><p>"Yeah but your reception was beautiful. You truly do belong with each other" hearing those words out of her mouth make my heart soft. </p><p>"Look honey things didnt work out with me and your dad. He was a hacker wanted by the police and he left us. But this...you and Oliver. It is real. And I promise you you will work things out, memory or not. You are Felicity Smoak. You are my daughter. And I raised you to be strong. Oliver is so in love with you. No one has ever looked at me the way he looks at you"</p><p>Oh mum.</p><p> </p><p>"Mum...dont cry" I thought this would be easier.</p><p>"I'm sorry you know how emotional I am. My point is. You were in love with Oliver long before you knew it. Come on, sweetie. I know you love him. And you know it. You just have to let yourself believe it"</p><p>"Thanks mum. I really needed it to hear it. He said he has some friends in Central City that can help"</p><p>"Well let's take the shot. I have seen you walk again after that car accident. I know this will be easy for you because you are strong my darling"</p><p>Car accident?</p><p>"What car accident?"</p><p>"Oh um after you and Oliver got engaged-" I interrupt her.</p><p>"Engaged? You said we eloped."</p><p>"No,I meant the first time honey."</p><p>"The first time?" We have been engaged before? Oliver didnt tell me.</p><p>"Yes, and after that this man Damien Darhk shot you in the back of a car and that left you paralyzed from the waist down." She starts crying at the memories. </p><p>"I didn't know"</p><p>"My point is that you walked again. And you will get your memory  back because thats how strong you are" </p><p>"What happened after that? Oliver and I broke up didnt we?"</p><p>I have to know. Everyone is holding things from me</p><p>"Mum tell me. Everyone is hiding things from me thinking I cant handle it but I can and I need to know" </p><p>"Yes. You broke up for a while"</p><p>"Why?" </p><p>"Because he didn't tell you about his son. William"</p><p>So that's who william is. His son. Oliver has a son. Oh my god.</p><p>"A son? Why would he keep it from me"</p><p>"I think William's mother made him do it. Shes gone now"</p><p>Oh no. I bet that happened because of Oliver's alter ego.</p><p>"So where is he now?"</p><p>"I don't know honey. I haven't seen the boy since your wedding reception" </p><p>"I will ask Oliver about it. Tonight at dinner"</p><p>I need to know.</p><p>"Okay honey. I am so happy to see you. I have missed you my baby girl" </p><p>"I missed you too mum" we give each other one more hug before we part.</p><p>I go back home. Oliver isnt here. That gives me time to think about what I want to say to him. After a few minutes he walks through the door carrying grocery bags.</p><p>"Hey" he says with a soft voice. </p><p>"Hi. We need to talk" I quickly announce to him</p><p>"Yeah we do" his face is broody. Typical Oliver.</p><p>"I would help you with dinner but I am not the best chef."</p><p>"That I already know" he laughs. Oh no. He has seen me cook.</p><p>"I'm sorry about that" that breaks the tension between us. At least a little. </p><p> </p><p>I watch him prepare dinner. He looks so hot while cutting vegetables. Focus Smoak. Its not like he is using the salmon ladder. I turn on the tv to distract myself. Let's listen about global warming. </p><p>"Hmm it smells delicious. What did you make?" </p><p>"Chicken cordon blu" oh he is devine.</p><p>"I love it. Its one of my favourite dishes."</p><p>"I know" he smiles at me. That warm smile. I like seeing him smile. </p><p>"To have this conversation we are going to need some liquid courage" I bring the wine. </p><p>"Excellent idea" he looks excited about this.</p><p>We managed to eat an entire meal without fighting or feeling awkward. That's a change.</p><p>"That was really delicious" I say while licking my fingers. We have almost drank the entire bottle.</p><p>"Glad you liked it." </p><p>"I am drunk enough to talk now so listen to me" I get up and I'm standing right in between his legs. Who am I?</p><p>"Okay" he locks eyes with me</p><p>"My mum told me about Willaim and how you kept him a secret and about the car accident and how we broke up. So why did we get back together?"</p><p>"Wow um..we both still loved each other. And I'm really sorry about William. We resolved that though. We resolved all of our issues. And we decided to move forward rather than stay stuck in the past" </p><p>Stuck in the past</p><p>"I think that's what I have been doing since I woke up in the hospital. Being stuck in the past. And I dont want that anymore. I want to find out more about who I am now. Embrace my new self. Embrace you. I mean our marriage. Oliver, I have to say this. If I don't say it now i don't think i ever will." </p><p>I take a deep breath. Wow I'm drunk.</p><p> </p><p>"I love you. Like actually love you. I'm not just saying to make you feel better. I really do I--" </p><p>Before I finish the sentence he grabs my face and kisses me. A deep passionate kiss. I feel like my body is on fire. </p><p>"I love you too. I love you so much" </p><p>He takes off his top and grabs me tighter. We are kissing and locking each others tongues. He picks me up and takes me to the bedroom. </p><p>I can barely breathe. How is this happening? The wine is definitely working. We break the kiss so I can take off my top. It's hot. I straddle him. Touching his arms. My arms are drawing lines through his entire body. He kisses my neck. I take off my bra. We lay on bed. His top on top of mine. He moves from my neck to me breasts and my stomach. He unbuttones my jeans and kisses my thighs. I feel like I'm floating right now. I feel...alive. I love him.</p><p>"Felicity" he whispers my name. "I love you. You are my forever"</p><p>I am his and he is mine. No time or space can change that. Memory or not I love him. Now and forever.</p><p>I lay on his chest. My fingers crossed with his. I feel at home. </p><p>"I promise you we will work this out. Star labs can help" I am playing with his wedding ring. </p><p>"Memory or not..I love you. I know that now. " i look at him and smile. His eyes are my home. His heart is where I belong. </p><p>He is my home. This feels like a dream.</p><p>We just and enjoy each others company. This feels right.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Hope and Wait</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Felicity and Oliver travel to Central City in search for hope In finding a way to reverse Felicity's amnesia.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Oliver's POV</p><p>I wake up feeling rested, which hasn't happened since I arrived at Slabside. Except now I am not in prison. I am home. With her. For the last two days I slept on the couch because I didnt want to make her feel uncomfortable, but now things are starting to look bright again. Her warm body is pressed against mine. She has wrapped her arms around my waist and I can hear her breathing on my chest. She looks so peaceful and beautiful. </p><p>"Hey. Good morning" I whisper in her ear.</p><p>"Mmm good morning" she gets up and kisses me. I will never get tired of this. </p><p>"Did we really just do this? We had sex." Her questions are amusing me considering this isnt our first time. Our first night together was magical.</p><p>"Yes we did for the millionth time probably. It was still nice though" I love teasing her. I don't get to do it a lot. Usually it is her thing.</p><p>"Hey I have amnesia remember" her laugh fills my heart with joy.</p><p>"I love you" I kiss her and wrap my arms around her.</p><p>"I love you too" to hear her say this without having her memories about is gives me hope that no matter what our love is strong to withstand anything.</p><p>"We should get dressed. I'm really excited to meet these friends of yours that will magically bring my memory back. How do you have such smart friends?" Oh sweetie. If you knew how we met Barry you wouldn't talk about them like that right now.</p><p>"They are OUR friends and we met them a few years ago when they were in star city working a case" </p><p>"I keep forgetting they changed the name to the city" </p><p>"Yeah they did. Sounds better though"</p><p>I watch her get dressed. She usually takes a while to get ready. She has to curl her hair and do her make up. </p><p>As I was waiting for her I decided to make coffee for the road trip.  </p><p>"Latter macchiato with two sugars your favourite" I hand her the coffee.</p><p>"You know my coffee. Of course you do. Husband. I still think its wild that we are married."</p><p>"Oh I think its crazy every day. I am really lucky to have you. I will never take that for granted" I love her. I simply love her.</p><p>"Well let's go then. I cant wait. I'm so excited" </p><p>"Me too" when I take her hand i notice she has put her wedding ring back on. </p><p> </p><p>The drive is not that long but I enjoy driving. It relaxes me. Especially when she's with me. </p><p>She keeps looking outside the window as shes holding my hand from time to time she squeezes it. I can sense she's a little nervous.</p><p>"Hey. Everything is going to be okay" I assure her</p><p>"I know. But what if I dont get my memory back?"</p><p>"Well you dont remember anything right now and things feel right with us" she smiles. I will do anything for her to have her memory back but it's good to know that even without it we can have us.</p><p>When we arrived at Central City even I got a little nervous. I had already called Barry and explained the situation. </p><p>"This is Star Labs? Wow its impressive." She is looking around and geeking about all the science stuff.</p><p>"Heeey" barry comes.</p><p>"Hey you must be Barry. Oliver's friend who is going to help me with my problem" </p><p>"Yeah um hi Felicity its nice to see you again. Hey I am so sorry about what happened but you came to the right place"</p><p>"Nice. Thank you." She is so polite. I wouldn't be that nice if it werent for her.</p><p>"Oh my god you are Harrison Wales. You are amazing in science" of course she has to geek out more.</p><p>"Actually no I am a Harrison Wales. Hi lady nice to meet you" </p><p>"Oh" her face says it all.</p><p>"He is from another earth" Cisco and Caitlin come too.</p><p>"I already met Laurel 2.0 who explained to me about.. this" she met Laurel? She didnt tell me. I hope she didnt hurt her. I still dont trust her after everything she has done.</p><p>"Well you are in good hands with us. So can we do some tests?"<br/>Caitlin goes straight to the point. </p><p>"Yes that's why I am here" she looks at me searching for comfort so I grab her hand. She sits in a chair and Caitlin puts a helmet on her head? I don't understand what they are doing.</p><p>"This is a device that can enter your mind and thoughts. I am a meta human and I can vibe, see different things and scenarios. So we will try and make you reach your own memories."</p><p>That's weird but genius. </p><p>"Sounds cool" she laughs. Shes nervous but she is trying to hide it.</p><p>"So I will inject this serum in you and you will go to sleep and then search in your own thought for your memories. You will kind of vibe them" cisco I hope you this works. </p><p>"Okay. Stay with me" she looks at me as she falls asleep.</p><p>"Always" i whisper.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Clarity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I cant say what happens in this one because it will be very spoilery but if you have read the chapters before you can guess what happens.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felicity's POV I closed my eyes. Remember.</p><p>I am standing in front of different doors. All of them different shapes and sizes. Well, this is weird.</p><p>I open the first one.</p><p><em> "You honor the dead by fighting...and you are not done fighting"</em> </p><p>"<em>So he took the wrong woman. I love you</em>." </p><p>Oliver. The memories come and hit me like a wave.</p><p>I close the door so I can take a breath. So that's how this works. Find your memories.</p><p>The second door is bigger and it's red.</p><p><em>"But then I came into your office. You were the first person that I could see as a...person"</em> </p><p>Our first date. I remember now. I was so nervous. I took three benzos. The explosion. He was so guilty.</p><p><em>"Dont ask me to say that I dont love you</em>" </p><p>That kiss. Our first kiss. Too bad he made the wrong choice. I was ready for him but he wasnt ready to be Oliver Queen yet.</p><p>Okay. Okay. What's behind the third door? This is weird. I feel like I'm Alice in wonderland.</p><p>This door is orange and it looks like fire.</p><p><em>"You opened up my heart in ways I never though were possible. I love you</em>" </p><p>Nanda Parbat. Thea was duying. I almost lost him to Ra's. I needed him that night. And he needed me too. We finally expressed our feelings and took the walls down. That night.</p><p>If I keep opening those doors I will need some alcohol as support. </p><p>Four. How many are they?</p><p>"<em>We found ourselves in each other</em>" oh yes. I remember that one. We humped afterwards. </p><p>Five. </p><p><em>"Felicity Smoak will you make the happiest man on the face of the earth?"</em> </p><p>I said yes in a heartbeat. The car accident. My paralysis. I remember how sad I was. But he gave me hope. </p><p>"<em>You are the strongest person that I know." </em></p><p>A part of me wants to stop opening those doors. I dont need to remember to know I love him. But I also want to have our memories together. The relationship we have built. Our trust. Our love. </p><p>Okay keep going. Six.</p><p>"<em>You are my always and I just want the chance to be yours." </em></p><p>
  <em>"Our love gives my life meaning. Gives my life purpose" </em>
</p><p>That one hurts. I know his words were real and they came from his heart but back then I was in so much pain that he kept William away from me I needed to leave him for both of our sakes. We still had some things to learn. But in the end we did find out way back to each other. </p><p>Seven.</p><p>"<em>I'm sure his life will be better with you in it just like mine" </em>that was the beginning of our forever. The start of our family. I was so happy he let me in William's life. I love this boy like my own.</p><p>Eight.</p><p>"<em>I believe in you and I believe our love can conquer it all. Married. Unmarried." </em></p><p>
  <em>"I do"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Now i pronounce you husband and wife"</em>
</p><p>November 28th. Our wedding day. It was perfect for me. Putting our rings on later that day as a promise to be each other's home forever is a memory I will cherish for the rest of my life.</p><p>Nine.</p><p>"<em>We fight for each other, Oliver, we protect each other and we're going to save each other" </em></p><p>Diaz took him away from me. He made me forget the last six years. But what he couldnt do was erase my love for him. That undying love. A love that will win every single time.</p><p>Ten.</p><p>
  <em>"I tried convincing myself that this was the right decision too but it's not. Because we are married. There is no alone for us anymore"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We will find another way" </em>
</p><p>We are each others safe haven. There is no other way for us.</p><p>I open my eyes. The doors are gone. What I see his face. </p><p>"Hey" he says in a soft voice. </p><p>I get up. I am still squeezing his hand</p><p>"Hi" I say and give him a kiss. "I remember everything. But even if I didn't I'd still love you. We would always find each other"</p><p>Always.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Love saved us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thank you for staying until the end of my little writing journey! I hope you loved it as much as I loved writing it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felicity's POV</p><p>I remember everything. The good. The bad. And everything in between. Diaz couldnt take away my love for Oliver away. Our love will always win. </p><p>"How do you feel?" He asks me.</p><p>"I feel a little dizzy but I am okay" I balance myself by grabbing his shirt. </p><p>"Here. Drink some water" he hands me the bottle. </p><p>"We are glad to have you back" barry smiles at me</p><p>"Barry, hey. Thank you" I immediately rush to give him a hug. </p><p>"So now what?" That's a good question Caitlin</p><p>"I am ready to go home and....live my life." I look at Oliver. Yes, I want to live and enjoy every minute of it with you. </p><p>"Me too" he smirks. I know this is Oliver speaking for let's have more sex when we get home.</p><p>"Thanks again for your help." I hug Caitlin and Cisco and grab Oliver's hand. </p><p>"Everything for you guys" </p><p>Oliver and I head out and go to our car when it hits me. William.</p><p>"Oliver" I yell.</p><p>"What? Are you okay?"</p><p>"Yes, but we are In Central City, so why don't we check on William? I feel bad he had to go to his grandparents."</p><p>"Yeah I was thinking of checking on him as well. I wish he could come home with us"</p><p>"Well let's talk with his grandparents. We are his parents after all."</p><p>I turn on my tablet and scan the city. Let's find my son. I track the GPS on his tablet. I should teach him how to turn it off so no one can follow him. Well, after we find him. </p><p>"I got him. He's on Hamilton and 8th. On the 12th floor. Apartment 5B"</p><p>"Good job, hun" </p><p>We park the car and head towards the apartment. I can see Oliver's nervous. He hasn't seen him since he got in prison. I wonder how William will react when he sees him. Does he know he's out? Will he be mad at me for leaving him? We ring the bell.</p><p>His grandmother opened the door. </p><p>"What are you two doing here? How did you find us?" She seems friendly. </p><p>"I tracked you. I am realllllly good with computers" I insert some humor to ease the tension.</p><p>"Where's William? We'd like to see him" Oliver's voice is very zen and calm. I am shocked at how he is handling this.</p><p>"Dad?" William heared us so he came out. Before I even blinked Oliver was already in the apartment hugging William. I love their relationship. Oliver has grown so much as a person since he became a father. That just reminded me....I forgot to take the pill after last night. Oh frack. I cant be pregnant though right?</p><p>"You are out? When did you come here?" Always so curious.</p><p>"I got out a few days ago. The district attorney made a deal with the police and I got out."</p><p>William's eyes followed mine.</p><p>"Hey. I am so sorry-"</p><p>He ran towards me before I even finished the sentence. </p><p>"I missed you. Uncle Diggle said you got amnesia after that man attacked us. Thank you for keeping me safe"</p><p>I feel like I will burst in tears.</p><p>"Yes, I did. But friends of ours helped me gain it back. I missed you too." </p><p>Finally our whole family is reunited. </p><p>"I want to go home with my parents." William tells his grandma. </p><p>My parents. I may not be his biological mother but I do love him as my own. He is so clever and kind. </p><p>"Okay. I only want you to be happy. Your mum would want that too." His grandma hugs him. I feel bad for her. I cant imagine what it's like to lose a child. </p><p>"I will pack my bag" he is excited. So am I.</p><p>"I am happy" Oliver said and grabbed my hand in his. </p><p>"Me too. I love you" </p><p>"I love you too" I dont think anyone has ever loved someone else as much as I love Oliver Queen. </p><p>"Let's go home" </p><p>William comes and Oliver takes his bag. </p><p>"Seatbelts on please" he is such a dad. My dork.</p><p>I put on some music for the trip. We need to set the mood.</p><p>"You know what's weird?" Oliver asked.</p><p>"What?" </p><p>"I know this song." William and I burst in laughing. </p><p>Life is good. I know that no matter what happens we will be okay because we have each other. Love saved us.</p><p> </p><p>                                              THE END</p>
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